There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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