She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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