How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
