Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Drake has all the answers
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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