I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Did I show you my penis last night?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
