So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
As shirtless as possible
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
