If i come over, it means nothing
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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