Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
