She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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