eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
