you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
