im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
