I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
