The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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