My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Someone came in the potted fern
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
