trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
