I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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