Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
