I puked a lego.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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