ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
