the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
