I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
