His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
