I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
