did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
