Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
