the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
