Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
