If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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