Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
