i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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