I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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