3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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