And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she looked like the before picture.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
pop tarts are not kleenex
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
