She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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