My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
