I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
