so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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