I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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