Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She is in my trunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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