i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
