and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I AM VODKA MAN
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The power of my boobs compel you
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
