I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
