I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
