My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
