I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize