I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
