Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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