How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
