i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Everything about him screamed your future.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
