Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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