I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
