I wish I could punch you in the face.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
