And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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