??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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