Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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