Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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