I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
