from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
