And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
