FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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