My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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