When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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