In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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