apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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