i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
