nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
