I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
