he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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