Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
