I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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