you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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