Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
