I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
