PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
