i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
