3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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