I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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