Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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