The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm always down for nudity.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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