he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
