Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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