I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
