I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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