ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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