I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
