You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
